Today's Boktips

AHHH the enjoyment of proper Chicklit that only has reviews on the cover from Cosmopolitan and InStyle.

For a good laugh, read "50 ways to find your lover" by Lucy-Anne Holmes.

It's about a single girl around 30 years old, who blogs and is a struggling actress.

Nothing is new. Which is why I like it. Simple pleasures.


(boktips = book recommendation)

It's complicated...

...it always is, that's just the way things goooooo.

So sings the profound poet David Guetta, or rather his vocalist Kelly Rowland.

And it's very true. I have a loooong row of complicated [relationship] situations around me -- married people, children, living in different parts of the world, age difference etc etc. But they all work it out. Because they are in love. In loooooooooooove.

I feel romantic and would loooooooooove to fall in love and deal with complications and be headless and just make it work.

Mr Complicated -- viens! je suis ready.

xx

Neighbourhood watch

Hot guy next door. Young, but muscular and fit. Why not have some entertainment "in da house" I think?

Because it can seriously mess things up.

Who cares.

Earning Tant-points?

I have an enormous (especially relative the size of my bachelorette-pad) terrasse to my flat. And the garden of the house is more or less mine since I am the only one with direct access to it. And as seems to be the syndrome of most people who just been introduced to gardening, this is now taking up my entire life. I seriously enjoy digging and sawing and watering and seeing the whole thing grow. It even goes so far that I go to collegues who have big gardens to get tips and ideas and some spare plants they don't use.

The truth-talker Sister of mine yawns to this and says it's disastrous for me. That I will turn into what we in Sweden call a TANT -- an negative name for an older woman. Not a good look.

But if I can be a TANT like these ones -- BRING IT ON


http://advancedstyle.blogspot.se/

You don't want a relationship

.. the words from P, the guy I dated January to April this year. He just emailed a LONG letter saying all sorts of nice things (basically want us to try again), but also this "conclusion" about me.

And as much as I am tempted to slag off his comment with a "Don't you get it pucko -- I DO want a relationship, just not with YOU", I can't help getting a bit intrigued by his reflection. As an example he pointed out my future board (a clip board I made last autumn with pictures of babies and family life and houses etc) and said "you say you want this, but do you really fight for it?".

What if he is right? Perhaps I am too happy and content with myself by myself, that I don't have enough patience with the guys I meet?

Is single-dom self really inflicted?

Small Town experience 2

• Turns out that almost everyone at the party were divorced or separated. I don't think I've experienced this type of singleton-galore-feeling for at least 10 years. I was actually wondering why all guys were so interested in speaking to me and asked heaps of questions. I thought that everyone in small-towns were hitched so I just concluded that people were unusually talkative. I didn't realise until about the time I left that they were all single and were probably doing their research about me. Scary in a way.
• Cyber-stalking (that is -- hammering the keyboard to google juicy details about people, guys, you've met) is waste of time. If you meet someone hot in Borlänge it's enough to let it slip at the breakfast table at mum and dad's -- and you will get their relationship-CV rolled up. Like it or not. The hot guy I met turns out to be a famous guy in the area and I got to know all about not only him, but his ex-wife AND her mum and dad, and his children and whoever he had been dating since he was 15. Sexy.
• Open arms everywhere. Small towns in Sweden, and everywhere else, are struggling with urbanism and that everyone is leaving towns. So when I briefly dropped that I may be interested in moving back home "in a few years' time", there was a wave of cheering -- "I can fix you a good job", "I know exactly where you should buy a house", "There are heaps of single hot men dying to meet you" etc. Nice in a way.

Small town update

Not many celebs from school but a whole load of other fun people. Screw Stockholm, it's in Borlänge it rocks. I even had two really interesting flirts, with really interesting guys. I say this kids -- screw big towns, go local. Proper local -- small town stuff.

There were of course also the compulsory "I look like I am in Hells Angels" contingent, literally drooling over my shoulder occasionally kissing it -- murmuring "you were always the grumpy one, right?". Which was when I did my I -can-move-sideways-slowly-which-means-he-might-fall-as-his-goat-beardy-chin-is-leaning-on-my-shoulder.  But I took the risk, grabbed my coat and dashed into my pumpkin.

I am still smiling. I was a social genious -- speaking to everyone and increased my network in Borlänge with about 1000%. All sorts of people. Very pleased with this.

And I really liked one of the flirts. So we'll see where this goes.

Good night people. And lots of love from the country side.

Courage 2

I am indeed brave, right? But right now I am slightly scared. I am off to a 40'ieth birthday party for a girl I went to school with. I kid you NOT youngsters, when I say I have met her ONCE since we took "studenten" at the age of 18. This was when I bumped into her  a few weeks ago and she enthusiastically invited me to her party. I was anyway going to my parents' this weekend so I though, WHY NOT. Also, she is a really lovely girl so I thought it would be fun to reconnect with my old hometown.

I got the invitation via Facebook -- bring your man/husband along! Yeah, right. I had just split up from my latest 3-months-trial-and-again-big-time-error guy, so I answered -- I will come by myself.

Now, I am not sure about this decision. I tried to lure my sister to come with me as a chapron, but she refused. She did offer to come pick me up at midnight, but I gracefully declined. There are limits even to me. My best mate since school is in Stockholm, highly pregnant and about to pop-- and getting bored  -- and she can't wait to hear all about this party. So, I do this for you lovely. I do this for you.

Courage

I have a lot of courage. I know that this is true because I did a personality test last week. I was at a leadership course and I and two colleagues had answered a ton of questions about the ego-ME. I rated myself high on courage but my colleages rated me even higher. This is of course a very adequate and CORRECT analysis of me.

I am very proud of this.

But this doesn't mean I'm super brave at all times. I was thinking the other day -- what am I really scared of? I can be a bit silly about being along at home when it's dark. Very silly. But real profound fears? I think it's the unknown. 

The endless rows of astrologers, magic ladies, looking glasses, psychics and crystal balls must be a clear sign to this -- people want to know the future, what other people think, if decisions are right or not and what path to choose. Those who master not worrying about these things are, in my beliefs, the happiest ones. Those who can just float around in life and not think and just take life as it comes while singing "Que Sera Sera" and jump around in hillsides with blue skies.

That will not be me I must admit. But would like to be better at it.

In my head

Ok, there are of course a number of things rolling around in my head -- so here they come:

• I dated (slight exaggeration, we "met" a few times) a guy last year who said to me "I just feel it will be so serious if we start going out seriously -- I mean, we need to get going with buying houses and having kids straight away!". N.b. we were the same age and I had not mentioned anything about kids or living together etc. -- It's true that we would need to get our act together if we want to have kids, but isn't this the most unromantic thing to think in the world? I want to find someone to share my life with, as a life partner, for life, not be a child production unit with? Needless to say, it ended very quickly with him. Haven't been happier since.
• Perpetual child -- I am now at my parents' house in the countryside. They are lovely and kind and generous, but travelling up here with my sister's family as one of the children in the backseat -- is that really ok? 
• Life in a smaller town is really much more age-oriented. It feels more compartmentilized. This is probably because I keep running into people who I went to school etc, and they of course know my age. In London I was just a weird tall stranger who noone could place in a box.
• I have made friends with some fantastic people since I moved home, and they are all plus/minus a few years from me. I met with one of them the other week. And she brought along a friend who is her age. They are about 7-8 years younger than I am, and I didn't think much about it. Until the friend said - "but hey, what do you think about this partner-finding thing? I mean, you are about half a generation older than us, what are your perspectives?". I couldn't help getting really provoked by this. Was that childish of me? 
• Getting older IS in fact very positive. I have a solid ground to stand on -- both financially and mentally, work is a lot easier and today I have integrity and courage to stand up for myself. This has just emerged a few years ago and it's fantastic. 

What are the worries?

Been browsing around the web to find sexy, cool, urban, chic turning-50-blogs, but alas -- nothing. Just a set of blogs about health and being a teenage-parent. TEENAGE parent? I will be a teenage parent when I am over 50. Cool or not cool?  It's what it is I guess. But what it really means is that I need to get fit ASAP. Very fit so I can cope with being 50+ and running around to footboll grounds and gymnastics-presentations and concerts and what-have-you.

Nothing to fear -- get fit. It's easy.

No, I am not in graphic design

Hence my blog looks like ...#*%#  (an ugly word). Ah well. It's what's inside that counts, right? I actually took the photo in the background myself when I was hiking in North Sweden last year.

Any volonteers to making my blog look to match a fit, snazzy, urban yet countryside loving, 39+?

There will be nice rewards for the best suggestion. VERY NICE.

The final countdown (?)

This blog has a simple purpose -- to document and follow my last 6 months (and a bit) as a thirty-something person. In december, I shall turn the big 40. Lordy. And nothing, absolutely nothing, is I thought it would be at this time. Purpose is a very serious word -- it's really just to have fun. I love writing and perhaps it gives me some perspective of the situation. I used to write a blog before -- the Sinister Spinster -- and it was loads of fun too.

I must admit, getting older is slightly worring-- I have no man, no children and I think I would love to have both. The prospects of these two items feel slim right now.

Also, another reason I want to write this blog is that all panic-struck singletons who are funny and charming and quirky seem to be around THIRTY! Hallooo? What is there to be panicky about at 30, really? At 30 I was newly divorced (my initiative, after 10 years' relationship), confused yet fit, dark-haired and although in grief over my recent MAJOR split-up -- very intrepid (good word, I know, love it) and curious about what was going to happen to me. It was as if I had been given a new life. Intrepid, but also scared.

I remember my mum said to me -- don't worry -- you are still young. Wait until you're 40 and single. That's when you need to start worrying.

Hallo mum. We're soon there!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EG7wB3G-xp0